It seems that as quick as the words for my last BLOG, “My history with Spiral” were birthed, these words were quick to follow.
I can feel the primal beat inside of my heart and ears in this very moment. I can feel the depth at which it beats. I can feel that this beat carries with it the weight of all that has been and all that will be. There is a WILD and almost feral quality to this vibration. I feel like I cannot catch my breath and that I am a little concerned about what may come out of me and through my fingers and onto this page. It feels a little like when my kids were young and they got that inquisitive look in their eye and you knew that they were going to make a potentially honest and embarrassing statement. I can feel the need for my brain to try and slow this process down and make it appropriate.
The essence of the SPIRAL that I am is fiery and storm like. I am majestically intense and unapologetically relentless. I find myself not always welcome and, by the force of nature that I AM, tend to expose undercurrents that were well hidden. This has typically led me into a swirl of confrontations and being excluded from a variety of settings and relationships. As I come to know the full measure of my gifts, I have discovered that this BOLD, LOUD, and EDGY essence is not made to be contained, but rather, expanded and shared.
A SPIRAL is a vortex for energy and has unlimited potential. A SPIRAL is an amplifier of intention and all that it comes into contact with. Whatever seeds are planted inside of a SPIRAL produce abundance. Period. A SPIRAL has no real beginning and no end and this is the source of its energy. The energy inside of a spiral is always in full flow and movement. Always changing, morphing, growing and thriving. SPIRALS are master regenerators and not only sustain themselves but regenerate and produce more energy than they ever use. This is because of the balance inherent in their composition. A spiral expands as it contracts, moves while it slows, is ever changing yet grounded and ancient but yet to be known.
This is what I relate to today. As I step into the full measure and force of the SPIRAL (BOLD, Edge worker, visionary) that I AM, I must embrace all of these polarities in my life. Standing in the full measure of who I AM while the ground beneath me crumbles away. Fully embrace those tender, vulnerable and unsure moments as intensity rises. Listening quietly and closely to the ancient call that goes against everything my world has known until this point. Trusting in the voice that I carry and sing it loud so that others may hear as well. The SPIRAL is my beautiful mess. It is how all of these polarities come together in balance and harmony giving each sensation and feeling the space that it needs to stretch and grow. Experiencing myself as the spiral today means that I am able to stay in the uncomfortable journey of discovery and feel SAFE.
These past weeks, my world has felt short of foreign to me. Everything, every relationship and every strategy that I held prior has fallen away and flipped upside down. Relationships and ways of being that were an everyday experience, no longer hold meaning or sense for me. I am literally learning each and every breath how to BE ME today. I am stepping into, quite consciously, who I AM becoming and not holding onto the patterns, beliefs and ways of BEing from yesterday. Fucking scary!
I want to experience myself in the full mystery of the SPIRAL.
I want to explore my body in full flow of a yoga pose, or a gardening method or a breath that invites and allows more clarity and CONNECTION.
I want to PLAY around in the biggest, dirtiest, messiest, muddiest, worm filled sand box I can find.
I want to play BIG with those who are willing to acknowledge that ancient call to the horizon.
I want to discover who I AM if I move beyond the familiar habits and patterns of my life.
I want to LEAP when everything outside of me says otherwise.
I want to CREATE Herb Spirals to feed my deep connection with Gaia and community as a way to move through my world.
I want to feel the RECIPROCITY of another community inviting me into their sacred space to co-create a New World.
I want to deeply FEEL the trees, bees, flowers, animals, wind, ocean and fire that I am.
I want to REVEL around and play in all of this as a way to experience myself then REVEAL them to my world.
I want to RE-WILD, RE- CLAIM, RE-CIPROCATE, RE- AWAKEN, RE-SACRED, RE-NEW, RE-CREATE and RE-GENERATE RESILIENCY in my world.
A SPIRAL moving outside in…COLLAPSES!
A SPIRAL moving from the inside out…EXPANDS!
How I feel the most ALIVE is when I am ALL of these things. Come to the EDGE and play with ME! Come to the EDGE and get dirty in the evolution of our lives and our world with ME! Lets not leave this world clean, appropriate and going with the flow of Status Quo, lets leave our SACRED mark on this world. Lets RISE together and sing our songs to be HEARD! Lets rock this EARTH into a New World! Come to the EDGE with ME and lets WALK a path not taken!
Mahalo
Mandy Sandbach
